The Boy Who Grew Up Too Fast
by Fettkat
Summary: Earlier titled Adulthood. Takes place between LotF Revelation and Invincible. A conversation between Han and Ben where many important questions are raised.


**Adulthood**

_A/N: Here's another instalment for the secret Han/Ben fans out there! I know I'm one! This takes place after LotF Revelation and just before LotF Invincible. Dark-ish. Not a happy ending, so you have been warned!_

_ Disclaimer: Star Wars is George's baby, not mine yadayadayada._

Han Solo was tinkering away as usual on an unknown innard of the _Millennium Falcon _when he heard a thud and clink on the outer hull. He looked up warily, trying to discern the source of the noise. The thudding continued, interspersed with a few odd clinks and muffled scuffling. It sounded like someone was trying to climb on top of the freighter. Wiping his hands on a rag and frowning, Han made his way out of the ship.

Han looked up to find a pair of boots dangling off the roof above his head. He recognized them to be those belonging to his nephew, Ben.  
"What're you doing up there?" he called.  
"Thinking and drinking, Uncle Han. You wanna join me?"  
At the word "drinking", Han's eyebrows shot up.  
"What the hell are you drinking? Hang on, I'm coming up."  
He took the prudent way up through the inside of the ship and out the top hatch. He'd come to reluctantly accept the fact he was no longer as young and agile as he had once been.

He emerged to find himself facing his nephew's back. Beside him was half a six-pack of Lomin ale. Han walked carefully across and ponderously sat down next to the boy, dangling his own legs off the edge. Wordlessly, Ben passed him a bottle and Han wisely decided not to pursue the question of where a fourteen-year old had obtained beer from.  
"So…" he began, after taking a hearty swig. "What's the topic of contemplation for today, Master Skywalker?"  
Ben shrugged.  
"Oh, you know, the usual. Life. The Universe. Everything."  
"That bad, huh?"  
Ben didn't reply. The two shared the silence for a while, drinking from their individual bottles.

"My dad doesn't understand me." Ben said finally. What surprised Han was that he didn't sound like he was whining or complaining in the typical fashion of teenagers. He made it sound like a statement. Matter of fact. He grinned, though, despite himself.  
"That's a common complaint."  
"No. It's actually scary how much he _doesn't _get me."  
Han frowned.  
"Really?"  
"Yes. And moreover, he doesn't even listen to me."  
"Oh?"  
Ben looked over at his uncle.  
"You probably think I'm cribbing like an average teenager, right? Except…" Ben's eyes clouded over, "This time it's serious", he said softly.  
"This time I'm frightened."

Han considered his nephew a little worriedly. He'd got the feeling this wasn't Ben's usual getting-out-of-the-house-and-away-from-Dad spell. He was beginning to think he'd been right on the money about that. He'd never pressurized Ben into talking to him, unburdening his secrets upon him, like he knew his father sometimes had. He'd learnt a long time ago that that wasn't the way to solve things with this one. Ben had always naturally confided in him. He'd always found his uncle easier to talk to.  
'Sensible kid', Han thought.

"Do you ever wonder why I was named 'Ben', Uncle Han?"  
"You were named for the geezer. You know that."  
"Obi-Wan Kenobi, also known as Ben. But he wasn't just the geezer, was he? He wasn't just Dad's first mentor."  
"What's on your mind?"  
"He was a lot of things. He was Anakin Skywalker's Jedi Master, the youngest Master at the time. He was a hero of the Clone Wars, he was also one of the last survivors of the old Jedi, the Jedi of the Old Republic. He faced Vader twice."  
"Oh-kay… But what're you getting at, kid?"  
"I sometimes think he was really alone."

Ben looked at Han and there was a look on his face that somehow terrified him. He'd never seen his young nephew look like that. It was… a look of destiny framed in his young face. It was desperation and determination all rolled into one. And that was when Han knew. The boy had seen something.

"Ben, you've had a vision or something, haven't you?"  
The boy smiled lopsidedly, in his own distinctive style. But the smile was entirely humourless.  
"You're getting to know our ways, uncle."  
He looked down between his knees and replied, bouncing his boots off the sides of the ship.  
"I had a nightmare. He's still reaching for me, Uncle Han. Caedus. He needs an apprentice. He's coming for me. He's trying to lure me into facing him. The fact that he killed Mom, that he knows I still hunger for revenge for that. He's going to use it to get me to him. And then he's going to break me."  
Han spluttered indignantly.  
"He'll never get you! You think any of us, your DAD is going to let him…?"  
"It doesn't matter. I will have to face him."  
"Ben, listen to me. You've seen this in your… dream, right? That doesn't mean it's gotta come true! It was a warning! That's what it was! Now you know what could happen. You shouldn't go face him, especially not on your own!"  
"I know, Uncle Han. But I also want revenge. I'd take any opportunity to avenge Mom."  
"Jedi don't seek revenge".  
Ben smiled mirthlessly again.  
"You sound just like my dad."

What Han failed to understand was how Ben could so calmly accept his fate. It wasn't like him at all. He had always been a born fighter, like his mother. He'd always resisted and fought tooth and nail, had never quite adopted the pacifist stance of his father.

"Ben, look-"  
"I think I'm going mad, Uncle Han."  
Again, not a trace of emotion in the oddly mature voice.  
"I woke up in a cold sweat this morning. I was screaming for Dad to come and rescue me. Caedus put me in the Embrace of Pain again. I-I could almost feel it. But… the worst part… he-Caedus cut off the Force! I don't know where he learnt to do that, but…"

Han could see a light sheen of sweat coating the boy's brow, his voice barely above a whisper now and his face pale. The beer bottles stood beside both of them, completely ignored. The terror was still too fresh to be forgotten.

"That's how he's going to do it, Uncle Han. He's going to feed me full of lies and then put me in Embrace until I begin to believe them. He's going to let it torture me until I go mad from the pain, praying for a death he won't grant. And that's when he'll turn me. To the Dark Side. He wants me to be his Sith apprentice fully this time. I guess I was a fool to think he'd stopped thinking about me."

Han didn't know what to say. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Ben was gazing into the distance, as if he could see it all being played out in front of him.

"I told Dad all about it this morning, this dream I've been having. He told me the same thing: It's a warning, heed it; don't go looking for a fight; you're not ready to confront Caedus yet… do you think I don't _know _all that already?"

Ben turned to his uncle.  
"If I ever turn to the Dark Side, please shoot me in the head."  
Han was startled.  
"Dad won't be able to do it. He won't be able to kill me, I know. And don't ask Jaina to. She's lost too many brothers. You've got to do it. And that's an order, General Solo!"

Han's throat was dry. He didn't even know how to respond to this morbid request. Why was Ben hell-bent on beating himself up like this today? It wasn't like the boy. He took a long swig of his ale.

" I guess I've always been bit of a disappointment."  
"Ben. You can't say that. Nobody ever expected you to become Luke Skywalker the Second. Not with your mother's blood in you!"  
Han's attempt at a little humour made no impression on his nephew whatsoever.  
"Dad did."  
"No-"  
"You know he did. He always tried too hard not to let it show, but I knew. I always knew. I was supposed to be his worthy successor…snort Some heir_ I_ turned out to be!"  
"You were always free to make your own choices…"  
"And I always got them _wrong _ didn't I? Closing myself off from the Force, my pathetic lightsaber skills, the GAG…"  
He groaned.  
"Even Jacen."  
There it was. The crux of his problem. Jacen. Han now realized why the Force was feeding the kid with his visions. He couldn't let go. It truly _was _a warning. But Ben refused to listen! The kid had inherited a double-dose of stubbornness from both his parents. If he sought out Jacen, or now rather, Caedus, all that he had foreseen would truly come to pass. But he knew that it seemed… Han frowned, confused.

"You've got to let it go, Ben…" he said quietly.  
The boy shook his head firmly. No.  
"For kriff's sake, lad!" Han was getting angry with his stubbornness.  
"Where d'you get this misplaced 'hero complex' from? You've got worse than your dad's stubbornness!"  
"No!"  
Now Ben was looking in anger at him as well.  
"Dad's the one who's stubborn! He's the one who isn't listening! He _can't _protect me from him! Not this time! I'm asking for help here, Uncle Han! Caedus will turn me and in the process, completely destroy my father! Can't you _see_? I'm _not _strong enough to withstand him! I wish I was."

"Do you still love him?"

The question came after the two had sat in a long bout of silence.  
"Who?" Han looked over at his nephew, now sitting with his knees drawn up to his chin.  
"Caedus."  
Pain stabbed at his heart as he heard the name.  
"No. I loved my son, Jacen."  
"Un-un. You can't take the easy way out of this. They're the same person. Jacen became Caedus. You can't pick one over the other."  
"My son died when he became Caedus."  
"No. He _chose _to become Darth Caedus."  
Why was he doing this to him? Han looked over at the mute figure in anguish. Ben didn't seem to notice.  
"Do _you_ still love him?" he retorted back.  
"No. I hate him. The whole package." Ben stated flatly.  
"If I ever see him again, I want to kill him, no matter what that does to me."  
Han swallowed a big lump in his throat.  
"I'm sorry to hear that," he said softly.  
Ben turned on him, his eyes blazing, his voice ferocious and low.  
"Don't you dare patronize me, Uncle Han. That-that _thing _murdered my mother, destroyed my family. I'm entitled to want vengeance."  
"You are. But that is not the Jedi way."  
"Kriff the Jedi. The Jedi couldn't bring my mother back."  
Han stood up, swaying slightly. He realized his head was buzzing. He had heard enough.  
"Ben, I'll talk to your father. "  
Ben stared straight ahead, the light in his eyes completely snuffed out. But there was a new tightening about his jaw-line. A new determination that made him look like the oldest veteran preparing for battle, and even Death.

" So this is it, huh? Adulthood. I'm on my own now."  
"Yep."  
Han shared the view. It looked dark and bleak. Like a thunderous storm approaching the horizon.  
"This is it, kid."


End file.
